Are you an overthinker? Do you second guess yourself? Are you a people pleaser? Do you tend to put others’ needs and wants before your own? Do you find yourself in toxic relationships?
These are all signs of self-abandonment.
Self-abandonment is a self-destructive pattern rooted in limiting beliefs often stemming as far back as into childhood. At some point, you may have experienced your emotional and/or physical needs not being met which can lead to feeling unworthy and unlovable. Oftentimes, we abandon ourselves and detach because we lack self-worth and put our own best interest to the side. Patterns tend to repeat over and over into adulthood and now you may find yourself being able to relate to hiding your true self, conforming to fit in, never feeling good enough, minimizing or discounting your own feelings, or lack of self-trust. Over time, self abandonment can take a toll on your mental health and manifest as anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, toxic relationships or unfulfilling careers. Here are 12 examples of ways people self-abandon. Notice if any seem familiar to you.
- Second guessing yourself
- Overthinking
- People pleasing
- Seek validation from external sources
- Perfectionism
- Self-criticism
- Not honoring own needs; lack of self-care
- Putting yourself last
- Suppressing feelings & avoidance
- Codependent relationships
- Self-silencing
- Lacking boundaries
How many of those examples of self-abandonment pull at your heartstrings?
The next time you are making a decision, take a pause and notice: Is your decision is based on guilt, shame, or fear? If so, you may be operating from self-abandonment. As adults, this deep-rooted pattern continues to repeat itself so often that eventually we may not even be aware that self abandonment is at the core. We may just think this is who we are. However, we do not have to let it define us. There is hope to break free from self-abandoning cycles and begin the process of healing and cultivate a loving relationship with ourselves.
Break the Self-Abandoning Cycle
Breaking free from the binds of self abandonment is not a linear quick fix process. It is okay if you need help figuring out where to begin! If you find yourself at a place in your life where you want to become the main character in your own life and show up for yourself, consider talking with a therapist. They can walk alongside you to explore the root cause and reverse self abandonment through processes of self-discovery and building trust within yourself. You deserve to begin the journey towards loving and connecting with yourself because YOU MATTER! You are deserving of love and compassion.
Taking one small step at a time to learn to foster a nurturing relationship with yourself through therapy may include but is not limited to: reconnecting with your own feelings and needs, experiencing freedom to express who you are, exploring what brings you true joy, developing a self-care plan, boundary work, self-compassion practices, and self-assertive skills. All of these are important aspects of developing self-love.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.”
Marla is a therapist at The Center for Mindfulness & CBT. She believes that showing up for yourself is the first step in the healing process. You are not alone. Her goal is to provide a safe, nurturing space to establish a therapeutic relationship that is built on trust, compassion, acceptance, and understanding. She aims to walk alongside you and provide a strong support system as you face adversity and need guidance navigating through your personal struggles. Marla utilizes Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT), Strength-Based Therapy, Somatic Healing techniques, as well as, play and art techniques. Her treatment philosophy is geared towards attaining balance as an integral aspect of the therapeutic process where you are armed with tools to make healthy, lasting changes for your overall well-being. If you’d like to learn more about Marla or inquire about working with her as your therapist, click here.
