Do you find yourself walking around wanting what others have, wishing you looked like that person, or thinking less of yourself because you don’t have the same things as someone else?
There are plenty of opportunities all around to compare ourselves to others. TV shows, movies, and social media can all be avenues for comparison if we let them. Even our friends and family can be! But what does comparing really do for us, and how can reducing it from our lives help us feel better?
You have probably heard the saying, “comparison is the thief of joy,” but have you really thought deeply about it? What does it mean to compare yourself and how does it keep you from experiencing joy? When I find myself comparing what I have or how I look to others, it awakens a sense of dread inside me and makes me feel like I am unfulfilled and not good enough. I find myself judging who I am based on who someone else is. I really don’t like it! And I bet you can relate because, sadly, our society and economy thrives on trying to make us ‘keep up’ with everyone else around us.
Thankfully, there are ways to keep yourself from falling into the comparison trap. The opposite of comparing is accepting. A way to accept yourself for who you are is to be grateful for the things that you have been given or have worked hard for. So, when you find yourself wanting to compare your clothes, looks, or life to someone else, take a moment and try to accept what you do have and be grateful for it.
Try changing the comparison statement into a gratitude statement. Maybe instead of saying, “I wish I had that kind of outfit”, you can say something like, “I am really grateful I have clothes to keep me warm.” Or instead of “I wish I looked or acted like them,” try saying, “there is no one else like me and that is pretty cool. I am thankful for my traits that are unique to me.” I bet a quick change in these statements can have a big impact on your mood and self-image. It can help you accept and feel grateful for who you are, and help you live a more fulfilled life. Give it a try!
Use these prompts to help you change a mind of comparison into one of acceptance and gratitude:
1. Today I am grateful for…
2. A trait that is unique to me that I am grateful for is…
3. Something that I am grateful that I accomplished today is…
How does that feel that shift your mindset from comparison to acceptance? Over time, reminding yourself to nudge towards acceptance rather than comparison will help you feel the benefits of self compassion and being sure of who you are. You deserve it.
Brigette Selbert is a Provisionally Licensed Professional Counselor under the supervision of Jeremy Shuman, Psy.D. She believes everyone has a story to tell and it deserves to be heard. She uses a person centered approach along with CBT to help clients navigate their stressors and accept themselves for who they are. Her specialty is working with individuals 16+ struggling with things like OCD, anxiety, relationship concerns, and life transitions. Fill in the form here if you would like to start your healing journey!
