You’re sitting in a meeting, and without thinking, your fingers find their way to your scalp, searching for that one strand of hair that feels different. Or maybe you catch yourself picking at your cuticles while watching TV, only realizing what you’re doing when you notice the soreness. If these scenarios sound familiar, you’re not alone. Body-focused repetitive behaviors (BFRBs) like trichotillomania (hair pulling), dermatillomania (skin picking), and nail biting affect millions of people worldwide, yet they often remain shrouded in silence and shame.
BFRBs are not habits born from boredom or bad parenting—they’re complex neurobiological behaviors that often serve as coping mechanisms for stress, anxiety, or sensory needs. These behaviors typically begin in childhood or adolescence and can persist into adulthood, creating cycles of temporary relief followed by guilt and frustration. The secrecy surrounding BFRBs often makes them feel more isolating than they need to be, but understanding that these behaviors exist on a spectrum can help normalize the experience for those who live with them.
Three Practical Ways to Navigate BFRBs with Compassion in Your Daily Life:
1. Practice the “Friend Test” When Talking to Yourself Notice how you speak to yourself about your BFRB behaviors, then ask: “Would I talk to my best friend this way?” If the answer is no, consciously shift your internal dialogue to match the compassion you’d show someone you care about. Replace “I’m so disgusting” with “I’m human and I’m learning to manage this.”
2. Create a Simple Script for Trusted Friends Having a ready explanation can reduce anxiety around disclosure. Try something like: “I have a condition called [trichotillomania/dermatillomania] where I sometimes pull my hair/pick my skin without realizing it. It’s not contagious or dangerous—it’s just something I’m working on managing. I wanted you to know in case you notice it.”
3. Reframe “Relapse” as “Information” Instead of viewing episodes as failures, treat them as data points. What was happening before it occurred? Were you stressed, tired, or in a particular environment? This mindset shift moves you from shame-based thinking to curiosity-based problem-solving, which is far more productive for long-term management.
Living with BFRBs doesn’t have to mean living in isolation or shame. These behaviors are part of the human experience for many people, and with the right tools and support, it’s possible to develop a healthier relationship with them. Remember that seeking help isn’t an admission of weakness—it’s an act of self-care and courage.
Ready to take the next step in your BFRB journey? Join Dr. Laura Chackes, a renowned expert in body-focused repetitive behaviors, for an 11-week virtual course beginning August 6, 2025 designed specifically for adults living with BFRBs. This comprehensive program combines evidence-based strategies with peer support in a safe, understanding environment. Dr. Chackes brings years of specialized experience helping individuals develop personalized management techniques while building confidence and reducing shame. Don’t let BFRBs control your story—discover the tools and community support you deserve to thrive. Click here to learn more about the course- most insurance plans accepted!
